Dear Facebook,
Don’t be sad.
I know it must be embarrassing for you to be hailed as the wunderkind of the decade and then be discarded like a used diaper when it was the time to reclaim your glory. Apparently, these double-crossing humans won’t spend their money on your shares, though they squander away hours tormenting you with their whims, fancies and agonizing status updates.
Don’t fret. I’m on your side. I admire your infinite patience, and how you faithfully share their “I sneezed today” and “I have an itch” messages, as they go around plastering your walls with atrocious pictures and articles on “Why isn’t Aishwarya Rai losing weight after her baby”? I appreciate how you painfully track all the sweet nothings they whisper into your ears, and value all their capricious “Likes” and “Shares”, only to be forgotten and trampled in return.
I understand your pain due to unfulfilled promises – as your worth fluctuated within a day of your IPO. Being trashed from a precious asset to an insignificant bubble within hours!. It must hurt to start with dreams of share price doubling and tripling, but sadly end up with a mere 23 cents raise. Here is a confession – That’s exactly how we felt about Placements and Salaries, before and after joining MBA!.
I’m sorry the Mafia Wars and Angry birds could not salvage you. Acres of virtual Farm and Towns didn’t do the trick. Neither could 900 million Friends! Didn’t they “Like” you? Did you “Poke” around with them too much? Everyone was so awed by your elusive charm and inaccessible account ledgers, raving about Global dominance and affluent revenue streams. Where did all that Goodwill go?
Hmmm.. Did you throw in your hat into the ring too early? If you ask me – the timing wasn’t great really. With Greece choking and nauseated, the Euro going down the toilet, the landscape wasn’t very Sunny.. What was the hurry Dude? Are the rumours in Twitter-verse right – did you have difficulty in figuring out Privacy settings too?
And now that you have delivered yourself in the hand of these mercenaries, It is only going to get worse. You have given wolves the keys to your unfathomable Castle of “Facebook credits” and incredible “Ad networks”. And “Poke” will become a self-fulfilling prophecy as nosy investors poke around with gay abandon. Don’t be very surprised if they dig out the holes in your past.. Woe betide if Mark has flunked even a single subject in Kindergarten, and been promoted to the next class; then his job is at risk.
OK. Now for the difficult part.
Please don’t mind my criticism, but your over-enthusiasm in copying and cluttering up with new features suck. I know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but please don’t flatter Big Bro Google and Granddaddy Yahoo! too much. These burly fellows don’t seem very pleased about it. (Especially now when there aren’t too many big shots or billions watching your back!.)
An honest piece of advice Kid (Don’t wince; you are younger than my college degree). Don’t trust your online “Friends” too much. It’s the “The Law of diminishing Marginal utility”. If you have 900 million friends, then not even one is of any use really!
And sweetie, being cute and cuddly is not sexy enough.
Do something new on your own, which doesn’t depend entirely on your “Friends” or send Grandpa storming off to court. Ask Uncle Apple to mentor you – you could use some lessons in Focus, simplicity and sophistication. Build a solid asset; your only assets are 900 miilion fickle users who will fly away like migrating swallows once a prettier Pinterest comes along! …
No need to panic now – you are still the darling of millions of the bored, jobless, drunk and insomniacs. And with the tanking economy, their number is only expected to rise. But they are the most whimsical of your users too so you’d better not slack and get your act together soon. The sharks are already circling in your courtyard!..
With lots of love and best wishes,
A fickle yet concerned Facebook fan




