A letter to Facebook

Dear Facebook,

Don’t be sad.

I know it must be embarrassing for you to be hailed as the wunderkind of the decade and then be discarded like a used diaper when it was the time to reclaim your glory. Apparently, these double-crossing humans won’t spend their money on your shares, though they squander away hours tormenting you with their whims, fancies and agonizing status updates.

Don’t fret. I’m on your side. I admire your infinite patience, and how you faithfully share their “I sneezed today” and “I have an itch” messages, as they go around plastering your walls with atrocious pictures and articles on “Why isn’t Aishwarya Rai losing weight after her baby”? I appreciate how you painfully track all the sweet nothings they whisper into your ears, and value all their capricious “Likes” and “Shares”, only to be forgotten and trampled in return.

I understand your pain due to unfulfilled promises – as your worth fluctuated within a day of your IPO. Being trashed from a precious asset to an insignificant bubble within hours!. It must hurt to start with dreams of share price doubling and tripling, but sadly end up with a mere 23 cents raise. Here is a confession – That’s exactly how we felt about Placements and Salaries, before and after joining MBA!.

I’m sorry the Mafia Wars and Angry birds could not salvage you. Acres of virtual Farm and Towns didn’t do the trick. Neither could 900 million Friends! Didn’t they “Like” you? Did you “Poke” around with them too much? Everyone was so awed by your elusive charm and inaccessible account ledgers, raving about Global dominance and affluent revenue streams. Where did all that Goodwill go?

Hmmm.. Did you throw in your hat into the ring too early? If you ask me – the timing wasn’t great really. With Greece choking and nauseated, the Euro going down the toilet, the landscape wasn’t very Sunny.. What was the hurry Dude? Are the rumours in Twitter-verse right – did you have difficulty in figuring out Privacy settings too?

And now that you have delivered yourself in the hand of these mercenaries, It is only going to get worse. You have given wolves the keys to your unfathomable Castle of “Facebook credits” and incredible “Ad networks”. And “Poke” will become a self-fulfilling prophecy as nosy investors poke around with gay abandon. Don’t be very surprised if they dig out the holes in your past.. Woe betide if Mark has flunked even a single subject in Kindergarten, and been promoted to the next class; then his job is at risk.

OK. Now for the difficult part.

Please don’t mind my criticism, but your over-enthusiasm in copying and cluttering up with new features suck. I know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but please don’t flatter Big Bro Google and Granddaddy Yahoo! too much. These burly fellows don’t seem very pleased about it. (Especially now when there aren’t too many big shots or billions watching your back!.)

An honest piece of advice Kid (Don’t wince; you are younger than my college degree). Don’t trust your online “Friends” too much. It’s the “The Law of diminishing Marginal utility”. If you have 900 million friends, then not even one is of any use really!

And sweetie, being cute and cuddly is not sexy enough.

Do something new on your own, which doesn’t depend entirely on your “Friends” or send Grandpa storming off to court. Ask Uncle Apple to mentor you – you could use some lessons in Focus, simplicity and sophistication. Build a solid asset; your only assets are 900 miilion fickle users who will fly away like migrating swallows once a prettier Pinterest comes along! …

No need to panic now – you are still the darling of millions of the bored, jobless, drunk and insomniacs. And with the tanking economy, their number is only expected to rise. But they are the most whimsical of your users too so you’d better not slack and get your act together soon. The sharks are already circling in your courtyard!..

With lots of love and best wishes,

A fickle yet concerned Facebook fan

Confessions of a struggling Blogger

For a while now, I have been fiddling with lots of blog ideas, which didn’t quite germinate into blog posts. No, I don’t want to write about my neighbor’s new cat, or drone about miseries at work. Yeah, the budget was out a while back, but its not making a hell of a difference to me. And when Cricket and Politics are not exactly your favorite topics, does the junta care about anything else??  :P

Jokes apart, I know something is wrong with me. I can sense it. And yes, the right description for my predicament is:  ”I am stuck!!!”

Many times we get stuck in whatever we are doing. Stuck because we are too contended doing it, stuck because we do not want to put more effort, stuck because we do not want to move out of our comfort zone. But the problem is, unless you crawl out of your comfort zone, there is very little chance to produce anything outstanding.

I came across this realization some time back. I have been doing these bits and pieces of writing. It is like a good time pass for me, involves some interesting cerebration. But it’s almost always according to my comfort level. I write when I feel good.. I write when I can experience the steady inflow of thoughts. I write when it suits me.

And I don’t push myself.

I do not challenge my limits. I do not try to attempt the unachievable. I do not cringe and whimper when I cannot come up with anything worthwhile. I don’t want to stress myself. I play it easy.
And that is where I go wrong. I know I am OK, but I am not excellent. And I am not even trying to be! That’s where I am stuck and will perhaps be stuck forever if I don’t make the move.

I need a stinging motivation. Some burning ambition that will not let me sleep. That‘s the only way to crawl out of this rut.

Resolutions 2012!

I was flipping through my Rambling journal (yes, I have one where I scribble about the humdrum of my plebian life!), and stumbled upon this post. It was written in these New Year holidays, and had somehow got lost in the abundanceof babble.

So, I guessed I might as well post it. Everybody posts New Year resolutions in January. But the good thing about posting it in Feb is that you have one less month to follow them!

OK. Here are a bunch of things that I have to do his year, and the list goes like this:

Focus, focus, focus: I have always been like this. So many ideas buzzing in my head, like tiny arrows flying around – until they crash into each other and I am left with a heap of scrap!. And what is the reason?

I need to FOCUS!

I have realized the importance of this from my husband (he is a perfectionist in whatever he does). So, while he is at some task, it’s like he has been teleported to a parallel universe. So, no matter how much you coax, cajole, push or prod him –it’s like you have simply ceased to exist!. And after his work is finished, he will casually reappear and ask – “Were you saying something?”. That would infuriate me so much – I wanted to box his ears! (Don’t be so shocked, every wife wants to do that! )

The point is; that made me wonder – “Why can’t I work like that?”..  For one, I have so many other things ringing in my head. And all my energy is dissipated in trying to scare these thousand unnecessary problems away. And the pitiful truth is – they don’t even get sorted!. In the sense, even if you focus on these imps, there is no guarantee that you have solved these small recurring problems once and for all.

Hence, it is best to prioritize, realize what has value and what does not.. And then focus on the things that have value and move on. Follow the Pareto principle in your life. 80% of the shit in your life is because of 20% of things. So cut the crap, remove the chaff..Focus!.

Complete what you have started: I start on a lot of things, but end up finishing very few of them. And Dude, that is a very big problem! You have GOT TO finish off the things you’ve started..

For one, nothing has value until it is complete.

Two, you begin to lose faith in new ideas if you haven’t done very well with your old ones. That makes you begin to underestimate your potential (which is really BAD!).

Three, the feel good factor generated from finished projects is like an exhilarating drug. It gives you precious confidence and will spur a lot of new ideas too!.

I am not saying that you should run after all the things that you have started. What I am saying is that all your tasks should have a rational completion; even marking an incomplete task as an abandoned project is a logical end. Otherwise the work desk in your head is perpetually cluttered with unfinished projects and you feel dissatisfied all the time – for no real reason!

Set deadlines for yourself: Remember the time when you used to function perfectly like clockwork if there were certain deadlines for you to keep up to; maybe because you had an exam to write of a quiz to give? And notice how your productivity peaked during the last few moments of exam preparation?

Well, now that we don’t have many exams to give in life, yet it is useful to try and harness that last minute power rush by pushing yourself to work in time boxed compartments. That way, you would be doing all the things you want to do, and also ensure that other things are not neglected. I feel this is particularly useful for creative work because there is no empirical method to measure whether you have been successful in what you are doing. Also, you can carry on and on with a certain piece of work to give it the shot of perfection – but never be satisfied with it!  So, setting deadlines will help.

Don’t procrastinate: Well, this one is the biggest bug of all. Procrastinating.. Thinking.. Thinking.. And in the end doing nothing!. What is the cause of this scourge?

The number one cause would be laziness, which can then be turned into excuses like waiting for the perfect time or idea to stroll by. But mostly, it is me stuck in a mindset that I whatever I have with me right now is just not good enough. So I go round and round in a merciless loop. Low confidence leads to procrastination leading to lower productivity which lowers my confidence even more. God, I have problems!!!!

Well, what is the solution? I am reminded of a motivational SMS sent by a great friend – “You can’t cross the sea by merely staring into the water“!

So go ahead and write that prize fetching paper on “Why the Euro zone economic crisis is caused by the melting of Polar ice caps?” or crank up that Artificial Intelligence based e-commerce startup you had always been thinking about.

Stop brooding and start working; because Telepathic and telekinetic devices haven’t been invented as yet!:P

Positive thinking: Okay, let me make it clear here. When I say positive thinking, I do not mean daydreaming. I know the idea of dreaming to success is quite enticing, but unfortunately, wishful dreams rarely turn into reality. They keep floating like some intangible beautiful cumulonimbus clouds, making you gaze at them with a sense of wonder ( until you get a tight slap in the face from an irritatingly righteous fellow called Common sense, and a rude kick in the butt from that merciless guy called Reality X-( )..

Now coming to the point on why positive thinking is critical.

Because, you will always be equal or lesser of all the things that you thought and believed you were capable of. It is very rare that someone who thinks she is capable of very less actually went ahead and achieved a lot more. That is simply not possible. Whatever you achieve will always be a subset of what you think you can. So think huge, humungous, gargantuan, brobdingnagian.. Because your future ( and life ) depends on it!

So here is my list of self improvement resolutions for this year. Hope my rambling soliloquies have been useful to you.

Au Revoir for now, and cya soon!

OK, What was that again?

I had just got up this morning, and was brushing my teeth while browsing the Internet (Ok, that’s how geeky can you get!), when I stumbled on this pic. And I laughed and laughed for a whole minute!

Organizations throw in carrots all the time, but some of them can be mind numbing out-of the-world hilarious!.

Curious? Check it out yourself

“What sort of onsite opportunity would you want, short term or long term?”. Hmmm… This is like the ultimate carrot dangled in front of new hires (irrespective of the level you join) on the first day in the project. Well, better you don’t begin dreaming of Swiss holidays and Australian beaches right away! You will eventually get there, but right now, this is just a conversation starter to get you in a good mood.

“You have been identified for a high impact and high visibility role directly coming from the CEO’s office”. Don’t be too flattered, the work could be anything (From replying to CEO’s fan mail to changing light bulbs there! ). And, your contribution to the CEO office will be compelling and momentous (not to mention, imaginary!)

“Your additional responsibility would be to drive the strategic decisions at the account level steering committee meetings.” Sounds impressive? Well, this is the motivational speech to get someone to write the Minutes of Meeting.

“Congratulations! You are the “Chosen One” to build our organization’s expertise in a new domain called “Arboreal Travel”. It is a highly challenging role (so challenging that we couldn’t come up with a JD yet ), and you are expected to work with Industry pioneers!”… Flummoxed? OK, it means the Eurozone crisis has stifled our revenues, but the CFO wants to boost the top line. Nobody has any clue to how, so you have been roped in to see if we can now make money from Monkeys in the Cambodian jungles!

“You are supposed to think out of the box and come up with complex business scenarios to benchmark our product against competitors.” Does it sound intimidating to you? Relax dude, all they want you to do is Manual Testing!

“The product for this pilot project is world class, highly sophisticated and complex with a proprietary technology, and we have hired the best-in-the-country talent to drive this engagement.” That means, nobody has a damn clue about the stuff to be done here, and we have frantically managed to wangle in whoever was willing to work in this swirling vortex of entropy!

“You will be responsible for the difficult and onerous task to set up the Centre of Excellence (CoE) in Collateral Debt Obligations for Martian Investors. Your work would involve researching an Alien marketplace and developing Syndicated Lending solutions for them.” Oh sweetie.. wake up, and welcome to the one man army in a glorified version of the Bench!

“Congratulations. You have now been promoted! Your new work will involve interaction with C-suite executives to enable them to perform groundbreaking revolutions in the IT industry.” Get real, the most you need to do is manage your Boss’s calendar. And remember the birthdays of the CIO’s wife and kids so that he does not get bashed up when he finally turns up at his home at 2 a.m (after a hectic day chalking out the Cloud Computing and Virtualization strategy of your company! ) Don’t fret. You have done your bit to fuel the Cloud revolution..

OK. I have exceeded my quota of sarcasm for the day, so ending here.

P.S: I have this sinking feeling that I’m probably possessed by Cyrus Broacha( was tempted to name this post “The JD that wasn’t”) . Can anyone help??

What do you Want?

In life we are always wanting things. The fat six figure salary.. a beach house facing the Indian ocean.. A perfect Greek Goddess figure!. Sometimes we get what we want. Many times we don’t.

Just now I had a realization, a sort of Eureka moment. And I just figured that in real life, you usually get things which you really REALLY want!.. Sometimes we have so many good-to-have lists in our minds, but it’s only when these wishes come center stage that life changes around you to make you achieve your wishes.

I have felt this. Many times there are certain things that I want only in my head. My brain says, these things are good to have (say X: The sexy job of a high flying consultant). But the heart wants something totally different( like Y: Settling in your happy sleepy hometown or getting to spend more time with your family). So while I keep telling myself that I want X, I subconsciously desire Y. And, something that I really want with my heart is what I unknowingly work for. And trust me, that’s what works!!

I am sending confusing signals to my brain, regretting not having got things that I never really wanted from my heart!

So how do I realize what are the things I really want? Get a shrink? Stick electrodes in my hair to monitor the brain waves?..

Actually, it need not be as complicated as that.

I mean, when you are in confusion, it’s good to list down what are the things that you feel are logically good to have, and what are the things that you emotionally desire. Probably both these things are very different, and that’s why you think that you want something, but you actually want something else!..

And then you can train your mind like a lab rat.

Think how you can emotionally want to get the things that you logically want. Try to feel the emotions that would go through you when you achieve this. Imagine how your life would be if your “logical wants” became true. Can you picture yourself happy and contended there? If yes, then probably your heart can be tricked to make you really want what your brain wants.

Sounds convoluted? I know!!

But isn’t that exactly how we are: Convoluted confused needy and pathetic carbon based life forms!!

Coming soon ( on the same insane lines! ):

What do you Need?

Friday Night!!

I am in the bus, on my way home from office. The road is choc-a-bloc with traffic, but that doesn’t bother me.  I am in a good mood. .. It is Friday night and I am wondering how I would spend the next 60 hours of my life!.

Restaurants and night clubs are turning on their party lights. The long work week is over, and a 2 day carnival is going to begin. There is a “Happy Weekend” feeling  hanging in the air. Shopping malls have begun throwing in their discount deals. Dominos and Pizza hut are all racing to give you pizzas free, neck to neck with each other…

The weekend is finally here; a time boxed escape button from that infinitely running dreary program called work!.

A thousand heads stuck in the traffic along with me are thinking the same – How is this weekend going to be?

Well….

Maybe you will spend time with your loved ones, relishing the moments of well deserved relaxation after a hard week’s work..

Or wallow in the joy of watching your kid while she scribbles on the walls with the new crayon set you bought her ..

Take that midnight cycling adventure on Saturday night that your gang is so excited about..

Or manage to finish “Catch 22” after struggling to read it in stolen moments throughout the weekdays..

Get that stylish red cardigan you fell in love with, displayed on the window of a shop on your way to office

Perhaps watch the much talked about Sherlock Holmes movie in your favorite multiplex.

Maybe experiment how to cook the “Chicken in Cream Sauce” pasta that you watched on Master Chef Australia on Wednesday night.

Hit the gym in all vengeance after giving it up for like the 100^th time..

Or rush out to get your last minute investments done just in time for tax returns..

Get that long awaited short fringe haircut to give you the stunning “Girl with the dragon tattoo” look..

Or just simply laze around in the comfort of your cozy nest…

Friday night is a time for thinking about infinite possibilities!.

What are yours??