I had just got up this morning, and was brushing my teeth while browsing the Internet (Ok, that’s how geeky can you get!), when I stumbled on this pic. And I laughed and laughed for a whole minute!
Organizations throw in carrots all the time, but some of them can be mind numbing out-of the-world hilarious!.
Curious? Check it out yourself
“What sort of onsite opportunity would you want, short term or long term?”. Hmmm… This is like the ultimate carrot dangled in front of new hires (irrespective of the level you join) on the first day in the project. Well, better you don’t begin dreaming of Swiss holidays and Australian beaches right away! You will eventually get there, but right now, this is just a conversation starter to get you in a good mood.
“You have been identified for a high impact and high visibility role directly coming from the CEO’s office”. Don’t be too flattered, the work could be anything (From replying to CEO’s fan mail to changing light bulbs there! ). And, your contribution to the CEO office will be compelling and momentous (not to mention, imaginary!)
“Your additional responsibility would be to drive the strategic decisions at the account level steering committee meetings.” Sounds impressive? Well, this is the motivational speech to get someone to write the Minutes of Meeting.
“Congratulations! You are the “Chosen One” to build our organization’s expertise in a new domain called “Arboreal Travel”. It is a highly challenging role (so challenging that we couldn’t come up with a JD yet ), and you are expected to work with Industry pioneers!”… Flummoxed? OK, it means the Eurozone crisis has stifled our revenues, but the CFO wants to boost the top line. Nobody has any clue to how, so you have been roped in to see if we can now make money from Monkeys in the Cambodian jungles!
“You are supposed to think out of the box and come up with complex business scenarios to benchmark our product against competitors.” Does it sound intimidating to you? Relax dude, all they want you to do is Manual Testing!
“The product for this pilot project is world class, highly sophisticated and complex with a proprietary technology, and we have hired the best-in-the-country talent to drive this engagement.” That means, nobody has a damn clue about the stuff to be done here, and we have frantically managed to wangle in whoever was willing to work in this swirling vortex of entropy!
“You will be responsible for the difficult and onerous task to set up the Centre of Excellence (CoE) in Collateral Debt Obligations for Martian Investors. Your work would involve researching an Alien marketplace and developing Syndicated Lending solutions for them.” Oh sweetie.. wake up, and welcome to the one man army in a glorified version of the Bench!
“Congratulations. You have now been promoted! Your new work will involve interaction with C-suite executives to enable them to perform groundbreaking revolutions in the IT industry.” Get real, the most you need to do is manage your Boss’s calendar. And remember the birthdays of the CIO’s wife and kids so that he does not get bashed up when he finally turns up at his home at 2 a.m (after a hectic day chalking out the Cloud Computing and Virtualization strategy of your company! ) Don’t fret. You have done your bit to fuel the Cloud revolution..
OK. I have exceeded my quota of sarcasm for the day, so ending here.
P.S: I have this sinking feeling that I’m probably possessed by Cyrus Broacha( was tempted to name this post “The JD that wasn’t”) . Can anyone help??